baby take what's yours and leave the rest.

2008-07-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

all in a days' work.

sunday,

0728: wake up, reluctantly get into the shower, slip into my Diesels and leave for church.

1058: reach home, essay plans haunt me and i set my lazy arse down at the desk. drama can be such a mofo at times.

1205: finished 3 DOM essay plans. leave for lunch! hawker centre, gross :(

1512: arrive back home, feeling smelly greasy and unkempt. showers are awesome when you feel like a dirtball. email the class pictures to dewei, hotmail loads very slowly.

1524: finally found my Chemistry worksheet!! get to it, then.

1542: Chem can now be ticked off my 'to-do' list. What's left is Drama essay, Econs essays, and Lit book analysis. Progress is unfavourably stagnant and brain saturation is inexplicable. Tired eyes are here to stay.

1632: Billy Jean plays on my stereo.

1721: Book analysis is stressing my eyes. Bad for myopia, can i stop? I'm going to growl in frustration. Vanilla ice cream with raisins is orgasmic on a hot sunday afternoon.

1730: OMFG MICROSOFT BITCHING ON ME. WTFARK. my document better be recovered or i will throw this lappy away and build my own with scrap paper and staples---

1937: an equation a day keeps the headaches away. i'd rather take bitter medicine urgh.

1945: just made myself a glass of ribena and threw in a shot of vodka just for shits and giggles. and to keep me awake! coffee don't do shit.

20:10: jenie's taking foreverrrrrrr tooo comeeeee. she'z gonna kill me when she gets here anyway. i haven't conquered poisson.

2044: STILL NOT HERE

2329: fucking pissed.

2008-07-26T17:50:00.003+08:00

you tell me you love me then you tell me you don't. you tell me little lies that i wish you won't. you tell me you miss me then you tell me you don't.

how can you make me believe you?

congratulations to sixuan my HFL who has a new special someone!

congratulations to cheryl my SFL who has a new crown of hair.

congratulations to gina my SMFL who lasted 4.5 years with ___!

clara such a luzza.

2008-07-24T22:40:00.003+08:00

yeah so i just got home from studying in school. it's twenty minutes to 11, my eyes are burning and my shoulders are aching but hey, gotta keep moving! if you have good music please send them to me because i'm living on my poddy right now, and my playlists are starting to repeat. it's sleep-inducing and that's not good.

i realize i have been eating once a day but i don't get very hungry after that. well that's good at least i'm losing my many tonnes of fats!

tomorrow night i'm going over to cher's house for another overnight study camp. i hope gina prils chanki maybe weisheng come. study camps are just about the most productive i can ever get phew.

anyway a couple of shoutouts to my gr8 m8ts:
thanks lins for the text last night and gina for keeping my mind on the right track. and weisheng for tolerating my i'm-gonna-fail emo breakdowns all the time. darsh and rachael for reassuring me, and of course, my darling bestie for keeping tabs on me all the time. i have vunderful friends who keep me in my state of sanity. much love okay? even though i seem cranky and angsty about 70% of the time, deep down i appreciate it just that i've never been good at expressing myself. hugz and kizzez.

sometimes i ask myself,

why would you do that?

but most of the time,

it's already much too late.

just to remind myself, next week's schedule clara lam:

monday: econs tuition @ night
tuesday: extra lit with mr tanu @ 310
wednesday: math tuition/GP tuition???
thursday: driving BTT @ 2; chem MCQ mock @ 430
friday: math tuition???

last week of school, my doesn't time fly by when you're ~~not~~ having fun. i think this year's been much better than last year. i mean not just in terms of events, but as friends we've bonded much closer, our teachers interact much more, i know my school premises better as trivial as it may sound, i actually tasted canteen food, i didnt get caught by KSL at all (except for my pink bra that one time), and i know the library and hub inside out almost. yes studying may be naggy and very annoying, but it makes the year worthwhile in it's own way. i love the clan,+ the little extras here and there.

2008-07-23T20:11:00.009+08:00

i can't come up with anything to say, so let the pictures do the talking.to an awesome saturday night:

new threadz.

gucci.

tailored dress + leopard prints = yay

i was sucking on a mint when this shot was taken, so i covered up the unglam-ness.

rachael!

bestie love.

PL Musical alumni batch of 2004 booyah!

darshie.

primp and preen.

2008-07-22T21:45:00.003+08:00

today in school i cried a little. gina reassured me.

after school, studied in the hub.

got home, bathed.

changed, took off my lenses.

pulled out my work, turned on my table lamp,

hesitated, stepped away from the desk,

curled up in my bed and cried.

bestie i need you.

2008-07-22T00:12:00.002+08:00

this may be my second post in two hours but i don't care. i just had a most honest and fulfilling talk with wz.

i have a secret that nobody knows.

and i have to tell you in the future, whoever you are.

trump.

2008-07-21T22:35:00.003+08:00

today a boy charged into the girls' restroom and looked into all the cubicles.

traumatising.

today my bestie is nostalgic.

i give her a hug.

today there was econs tuition with jialin.

hot gossip.

today it rained heavily.

i got wet.

today was really useless and unproductive.

guilt.

today's math lecture had flying paper planes scribbled with vulgarities.

knnccb.

today had too much hair.

cheryl.

today someone forgot me.

well.

2008-07-20T20:11:00.000+08:00

HOMESTARRUNNER.COM

rapture.

2008-07-19T18:00:00.004+08:00

andrew tan come back quick.

i'm on rach's mac now, entertaining myself while she's getting ready for us to leave. got up at 7.30 this morning and was fairly productive (comparatively). i finished 6 essay plans, a 5-pg econs essay, a GP compre, and spent some time with ole Pip! cmon say it CLARA DAMN GOOD. actually it just sounds like a lot. maybe not after all. but whatever it's all psychological cheap thrills.

sissy bought me a new top from Pull&Bear and i'm wearing it now. my rewardzz for being a nerd.

i got chocolates from Madagascar from jon chua haha how quaint, i'm going to try them as soon as i stop feeling fat.

i'm surrounded by wonderful people.

wish i could get that designer bag. maybe as a medal for post-A-levels, eh?

very detached sentences because nothing much has been going on and i'm trying to fill space. well on wednesday, Cher and I skipped school. we did some shopping at Marina (FOX HAS A SALE. 50% STOREWIDE) and went for tuition at night.

i've gotta stop being such a cranky, crybaby potential spinster and complaining about how unprepared i am for the exams. if i study i will get there! it's only a matter of time and diligent preparation (which i think i've been doing). my mom thinks i'm studying too hard she's feeding me Brands Essence of chicken like water.

i love my new spectacles, they are such a spectacle that i am skeptical! a tad big on my face what a bummer. but cheryl insists i love em and wear em cuz they cost 593912389$. shittles and skittles.

CHEMICAL EQUILIBRIUM HERE I COME

hear me roar.

2008-07-18T18:37:00.002+08:00

i did it!

i donated blood for the first time today. it was scary and joyce had to hold my hand while the nurse pricked my finger. i nearly cramped both our hands. if i could i would have probably clawed away into the nurse's brain if not for joyce gripping me like a vice. after that i lay down on one of the stretchbeds and waited for the nurse to puncture me with the very gargantuan needle. joyce was rambling uncontrollably trying to distract me and i couldn't stop tearing (actually now that i think of it, it's really embarrassing), then when the needle went in i thought all was fine! it was actually, joyce was even describing to me my bloodflow. then just as she said 'wow your bag is half full!', she turned green and started whirling. along with everything else! i couldn't keep my eyes open and i was crying and screaming at joyce to take the needle out. then i think i passed out cuz when i opened my eyes, my bed was tilted head-down (feet in the air, how funny i must've looked) and gina was on the next bed. i swear it's got nothing to do with low blood count, it's probably cuz i was agigated too much previously, like the helper-nurse-guy said. but anyway now all is fine and dandy and although my half-bag of blood is unusable, i'm still really glad that i overcame my fear and tried! try again next time maybe it'll be better. joyce must be with me!!!!

another unusual event this week (because lately everything is mundane and repetitive) is Gina's tumble next to the voiddeck yesterday. she scraped her ankle and elbow, but we cleaned her up in the toilet and general office and she's been flaunting her war-scars to everyone. went to KAP with the MGs and Cheryl for some post-school studying, and then embarked on an incredulously ridiculously long journey home. Cheryl and I flew on the bus yesterday. Twas fun.

tomorrow i'll be off to rach's house for some hardcore studying, and then to watch a musical at night.

this week was an okay week, i think it was slightly better, even.

THIS WEEKEND WILL BE A PRODUCTIVE ONE. I'M NAMING IT 3-WEEKS-BEFORE-PRELIMS-HAPPY-WEEKEND. because productiveness makes me happy. i'm becoming a sucker for books. not cool.

Cheryl's supposed to be blogging about many amusing things that happened. I cannot remember what they are anymore, so check her blog instead. By the way I realise there haven't been pictures in my posts for quite a while. It's because my camera is on hiatus. It's sitting and rotting while I study.

GDAY.

porche

2008-07-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

today was a fairly good day. blood drive tomorrow!

forrest gump.

2008-07-16T21:41:00.002+08:00

disappointed.

in him.

all's fair in love and war.

2008-07-15T22:19:00.008+08:00

i guess i'm jealous afterall.

i just stubbed my toe and made the whole room echo Shit!

i've always thought about how i am as a person, as an individual, and i've acknowledged for years that i'm unequivocally selfish. i like the attention, i envy others (yes the grass is always greener, wherever it is.), i want just about every other thing to be about me. that's how i lost a couple've friends, and that's how i lost my boyfriend. i like to blame it on the fact that nobody's perfect, but inevitably it comes back round and taps me on the shoulder. i guess so far the only ones who have been able to endure (with minimal repugnance) my otherwise intolerable self-obsession are my family members, and my 6++ years of friendship other halves (who probably have no choice anyway). it's sad to think of it that way, but cold hard truth is still truth. best served when it slams you in the chest. it's much easier to let myself continue breathing when i pretend that i'm a first-rate, i'd-run-any-mile-just-for-your-smile friend. but reminiscing i realize i really don't try that hard for anyone. in the past, to see P smile made my heart melt so i tried anything and everything for him. to see D smile i baked her a cake and hand delivered it to her doorstep (with him right beside me). i wouldn't say i'd go all the way, unless blinded by some unnatural thing, like love. i wonder if anyone will still love me the same after this.

on the flip side, it makes me feel tenfold guiltier because my friends not only reciprocate but initiate about fifty times more than i do. WZ has cancelled plans just to keep me company when i was feeling shitty post-breakup, C and G took me for frisbee for the same reason, WS is perpetually there for me to cry and whine to, and my sis buys me trinklets and surprises for no rhyme or reason. i'd definitely rate them 20/10 with extra bonus.

That said, i'm pretty much a social dunce (maybe academically too) and i'm trying to break out of it. It's the only feasibly imaginable way i can keep my friends and (future)boyfriend on the ship.

he's moved on, and i've got to too..

in half an hour it's going to be 48 hours.

growing up.

2008-07-13T22:55:00.006+08:00

ashley sent me this song and it's my new favourite.

Here's the day you hoped would never come.
Don't feed me violence just run with me
through rows of speeding cars.

The paper cuts, the cheating lovers.
The coffee's never strong enough,
I know you think it's more than just bad luck.

There, there baby, it's just textbook stuff,
It's in the ABC of growing up.
Now, now darling, don't lose your head,
Beause none of us were angels,
and you know I love you.

clara you can do it.

jialin you can do it two.

gina you can do it three.

cheryl you can do it four.

ianthe you can do it five.

sangee you can do it six.

liah you can do it seven.

joyce you can do it eight.

prilaa you can do it nine!

lins: ahmax, don't stress. there really isn't any other way for me to put it. take the optimistic side of this alright? whatever the case, whatever your troubles, we'll be here for you thru' thick and thin. i'm sure you know that.but just to double check (:

love you loads hun.

today,

2008-07-12T17:12:00.002+08:00

pwned.

daydream.

2008-07-10T23:18:00.006+08:00

I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore.

I don't want people to read my blog any longer. It's not like they will stop just because I make a lousy passing statement, but I'm gonna say it anyway. If you think 'if you don't want us to read then don't post.' then fuck off because I'm in a bad mood and I probably hate you.

This week's been school and tuition like mad, I swear I don't even get a second of private-time. I can't even hear myself think and I don't have time to cry. If not for my friends I'd already be wetting my non-existent pants and cold-sweating myself to dehydration. Seriously does one person need that much tuition? I hate the way every teacher thinks his/her subject is my one and only subject and I have to be actively keeping pace or constantly stay ahead. Fuck you, I take more than one subject. Being an insensitive selfish craphole is just gonna make me hate you and your subject more.

Whatever.

At night, when I put down my books, I just want to talk to ____. Whine, cry about the bad day I've had, be comforted, or just remember that somebody's there. But ____ is equally insensitive. Why, then, do I still want to turn to ____? God knows.

Wake up, hun, not everything's about you.

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me.

fuck you a levels.

2008-07-08T21:34:00.002+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i can buy as many clocks but i can't buy time. what's the use in that tell me.

going.to.fail.A.Levels

-desperate girl

devotional.

2008-07-07T23:57:00.001+08:00

i helped you ruin you.

i kissed a girl.

2008-07-07T19:59:00.007+08:00

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

yesterday Jenie gave me a ride out, and I took the horrible train to Lot 1 to meet cher. you listen to me whine: i usually hate train rides already, they are tiring and some people smell of pit sweat. YCK to CCK is the ultimately long train ride ever. almost an hour i swear. and i had to stand, that's the shit.

anyway, we went to her house afterward, then pak called around 8 and asked me to walk over to Yew Tee for dinner with him. stupid boy, make me feel like an extra! only reason he agreed to meet me was coz he was in the area. dumbarse, but i met him anyway, while waiting for Gina to reach Cher's house. we had a good catch up session, lots of teasing and irritating on his part, lots of inside jokes and therapy. i'm smiling just thinking about our crap session that lasted two hours (i think?). i had to shout at him 'FOCUS!' about two million and three times, because he kept going off-topic and rambling. same ole same ole (:

reached Cher's place around 10, and Gina came while i was in the shower. We walked back over to Yew Tee to start our studying, and we went strong till 1, when the place closed. So we were banished back to Cher's dining room, and studied till 3am. Watched Juno (which is very sweet) and slept at 530. Gina taught us the Forrest Gump song on the piano, i'm in love.

I think i laughed till i got 20pec last night, my two soulmates are funny shizz. i love 'em.GINA MY MAID I PAY YOU A DOLLAR PLEASE DO MY HOMEWORK.

[edit]

i forgot to update about today! we got up at 9 (totally not enough sleep, we're all gonna grow eyebags and facial ourselves to death) and took the train. Ng Sixuan appeared on the train and we screamed like idiots. anyway, since cher and i were a gazillion hours late for tuition, we decided to follow Six to SP instead. talked and talked about everything under the sun while she ate her KFC (i am very sore that we don't have that kind of food in school), pak came to give a retarded 'hi', and then we left. for town.

studied at the tuition centre while waiting for our class to start. then tuition, heeren for some quick shopping, and met daddy and issy for a ride home. i cannot wait till i get a boyfriend who can drive, or till i can drive.

i'm on strike tonight, no studying, no.

econs mock exam, i flip you off.

[/edit]

crocodile tears.

2008-07-06T13:31:00.002+08:00

If i fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand, cause I've been in love before and I found that love was more than just holding hands.

sunshine on a cloudy day.

2008-07-05T23:45:00.004+08:00

i know for sure cheryl's not gonna let me live this one down, but everyone has their narcistic moments. today is mine. because i had a good hairday, and because i need an ego boost.

come come i show you my lashes. i finally used my Lancome mascara and it works wonders. falsies are not for me any longer, i'm going natural!

*****

GP mock paper today was crabby, a total waste of time and breathing space. it lasted till 12, classmates and i walked over to Dover Market for lunch, walked back to school and studied. After visiting gramps at the graveyard, went for dinner with the family. Then drove over to Elyssa's house and I studied some more.

Tomorrow there's church, tuition, and overnight studying at Cheryl's. Seeing if i can meet P for dinner, but he's not replying me. Guess not, as always.

Food poisoning has come and gone but my appetite's still small. I only want coffee and chocolate.

I found a nice bag in my closet today, but nobody drew dibs on it. Issy and mom both said they've never seen it before, and i know for sure i didn't buy it. Who cares, it's mine now! Free too, kaching.

my lackadaisical attitude toward studying is dooming me. i've gotta stop making notes to remember this remember that and actually start remembering them. and i want to go shopping desperately. okay maybe i shouldn't have put those two sentences consecutively.

should i throw away my ex-box.

300.

2008-07-04T22:41:00.003+08:00

i think there are 2 classifications of bloggers. the first talks about the philosophies of life, happens to be a combination of bitchy and critical, and constantly contemplates the meaning of blogging. the second rants and raves about how life is meaningless and how days get so overwhelmingly boring. most of the time, i fall into the second category. mostly. today's one of those days.

this entry is packed with ridiculously boring details, majority of which you do not need or want to know. i just need something to write about. when your social life evaporates, you write about everything and anything that comes to mind. so heads up people, only for the strong-minded:

so, owing to my case of food poisoning yesterday, i used it as an excuse (though lame) to skip school, thereby conveniently extending my weekend by two times. fri - mon.

i slept at 3am last night, finishing my econs essays and analysing Herland. got up at 10 and Mark was over, so watched telly with him and issy, lunch, then i locked myself in my room to get some work done. around 5 i got really restless, so went over to Rach's place.

i couldn't get any internet connection at her place, so i ended up wracking my brains to squeeze out some insightful analysis of Herland.

i'm aware this is beginning to sound annoyingly poignant and boring. i can just imagine a young adult voice reciting these lines over the start of a movie. about how 6 weeks ago he was a total loser who wasn't getting enough sex, and his boss made his blood boil by continually adding to the already mountain-high stack of his In-tray. but play along, if you love me, you endure my sleep-inducing life entries.

so, after dinner, we got lousily tired, and decided to amuse ourselves with hair fun. so Rach got out her hair iron, and i straightened her hair while she curled mine.

now i have nice curls, just like i've always wanted. too bad they don't last long. unless i drag myself out of bed at 5am to curl em, i'll have to live with my disgustingly arrow-straight hair. which i can survive with till maybe after A levels, when i decide to go wild and do ..strange things (to my hair).

i just got back home, cranked up my internet access, and procrasting because studying Microecons doesn't sound very appealing right now. maybe i should have gone to school. but then again i was pretty productive last night and this morning. not such a waste then? i'll be skipping more in future. may have to find someone's house to seek refuge in while i play truant, since he's..well, my ex now.

it's 2300, in about 8 hours i'll be rejuvenated (i hope) and off to school for a very unwelcomed GP mock exam. i can't remember if it's 3 or 6 or 9 hours long, because they all feel about the same --equally slow and tiresome. afterwhich i'm going to visit my grandpa's grave.

here i am, frowning, sticking my tongue out the corner of my mouth, tapping my fingers without much rhythm on the table, staring at the screen of my laptop and snorting at my webcam because it's labelled 'Genius'. how i miss excitement, the clubbing scene, the music galore, theme parks, fast cars, rain. how i miss him.

i've heard how you've forgotten me so fast. it hurts because i haven't gotten over you.

5,4,3,2,1.

2008-07-03T22:03:00.002+08:00

FOOD POISONING. WHEN I HAVENT EVEN BEEN EATING.

MY LIFE IS BORING, I HAVE TO SPRUCE IT UP WITH CAPITALIZED FONT. MY BLOG LOOKS MORE INTERESTING THAT WAY. I'VE BEEN STUDYING A LOT MORE BY AVOIDING MY LAPTOP. IT'S MY #1 DISTRACTION ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING SOME WORK DONE.

YESTERDAY WAS TUITION WITH THE GP BUDDY, AND BEFORE THAT WAS STUDYING AT MACS. PLAZA SING IS OUR NEW HANGOUT, WE'RE SUCH COOLSHIZ.

HAHAHHA I JUST HEARD SOMETHING FUNNY FROM JON CHUA.

my new tattoo.

2008-07-02T22:10:00.003+08:00

hi evarehbody i inked myself today.

bet i scared you didn't i. nah of course not, though i want one. three, to be exact.

my ankle:

my lower back, in cursive, "Love bears all things."
and one on my inner upper arm, "this too will pass" and something else to spruce it up.
or something that runs up from my hips, across my side.
i'm lazy to search for pictures.

now i'm still contemplating saving and paying by myself, or getting somebody to sponsor me.

i want ink.

i live for lyrics.

2008-06-30T22:16:00.004+08:00

hullo here's a special shoutout to my dearest tuition m8, jialin!

linny don't be so stressed out! and don't worry about your friend so much (: she's your best friend and she knows fo sho you'll always be there for her. it's so scary seeing you worry so much! you're a good friend, so just keep doing what you do best. & don't study 24/7 learn to take a break sometimes. prelims are drawing near but we're all in this together! JE soon alright? weekends. i'll be your studdy buddy, just like gina is mine (:
love you very very much, da jie!

and after what cheryl told me last friday, i absolutely hate ***** !!! hate him hate him hate him, bloodsucker. ruiner of reputations.
weisheng my stupid fairy godfather is not online, and andrew is back in camp, i have nobody to talk to!! post-tuition time, i need to whine and unwind.

does watermelon count as liquid? :\ i am obese. jialin pressured me into eating today, and i can feel the fats accumulating. gina and jialin tried to trick me during break too. i'm a walking jiggling lump of lard. i don't look good in my new bikini, very upset. my new bikini is very pretty, you know? imagine a pretty bikini over a hippopotamaus (I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO SPELL). fuckkkkkk, somebody take me on the fast lane to losing 5kg healthily (how ironic). don't let me lapse back into last yr's state :(

i want my jimmy choo handbag.

********

to do:

GP essay plans x2
Econs PBL
Econs tuition essays x2

********

cheryl got some surprising news tday, woo (:

macroecons, microecons, chem, here i come!

fuxchoo, A levels!

2 become 1.

2008-06-29T16:57:00.003+08:00

travelling, i only stop at exits,
wondering if i'll stay young and restless.
living this way, i stress less.
i want to pull away when the dream dies,
the pain sets in and i don't cry,
i only feel gravity and i wonder..why?
flames to dust,
lovers to friends.
why do all good things come to an end?

295.

2008-06-28T22:00:00.004+08:00

take me on a trip, i'd like to go someday.

woke up at 9 today to andrew's blasting music coming from my window.
went down to cher's house lugging an impossibly heavy bagfull of clothes to sell at the flea market. and guess what? we didn't set up our stall in the end hahaha coz everyone there was about 40. or they brought their kids who were like, 4. no in betweens so we decided not to embarraz ourselves and bring clothes too cool for them to sell :o)

studied, did our econs project, then went to tan by the pool. pak came by to pass me my phone, and scared the shit out of me while at it, idiot. the sun today was amazing and i thought my skin was gonna burn off if not for dipping into the pool once in a while. but i didn't tan, what a bitch right?

bathed, studied some more, then weisheng came over to join us. studied some more (it sounds like cher and i studied a lot but actually we didn't. it just sounds like it.) and then went down to check out the flea market.

we bought this cute game called 'Lickin Lizards' for 3$. it's not the funnest game but very good for destressing. plus it's only 3bucks lah please. then after playing for a while at her house, we went for dinner with her parents. shopped at some cutesy shop at yew tee, and i bought this very cute Hello Kitty sticker for pasting all over my lappy keyboard. i'm going to horrify everybody by pasting it and pinkifying my lappy. i wanted to buy this separate keyboard altogether that was entirely baby pink and very PRETTIFUL. but ah well, it's quite retarded to have two keyboards for my lappy.

just got home, smsing weisheng on the train and he made me miss my stop. i was writing my econs essay on the train (what a luzza i know).

i'll put up a picture of my keyboard if it turns out amazing. if not then i'll mope and weep alone at home.

byebye.

[edit]

k not so good cuz it's taken with a phone. but that's the gist.

[/edit]

disturbia

2008-06-27T23:05:00.002+08:00

cotton on got mega sale i am very happy.
after school, cabbed down to plaza sing with cher. we watched Wanted (watch it just for A Jolie she is fucking hoooot), then shopped like mad at cotton on. we both bought craploads of lacey undies and bras :D anw i left my cardigan at one of the shops, made me very emo.
went for tuition, cher left her sweater at the centre hahahah we are two of a kind.

after tuition, we walked to town, shopped more at cotton on, i bought shoes! yay forget all the emo-ness.

i failed chem quiz today damn gay and irritating.
i'm trying out the hair curlers cheryl bought for me now! i look like a granny retard. but don be jealous when my hair is sexier than yours.

andrew had his hair cut again, heh heh i wanna see it but he's hiding from me. army is such lameness it likes to take people's hair away, i bet it gives the hair to the cancer foundation.

tmrw i'm going to cher's house to study swim suntan study moremoremore, and at night, set up a stall for the Windemere flea market hahaha. her condo is the coolest man, organize flea markets for the condo-livers, real horrorshow!

k fruits study take out curlers sleep.

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand

And if I lived a thousand years you know
I’d never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you, that day
But if destiny decided I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you tonight

I don’t hear the music
When I’m looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body close to mine
It’s the way we touch that sends me
It’s the way we’ll always be
Your kiss, your smile, you know I'd die for
Baby... you're all I need.

first of may

2008-06-26T16:18:00.000+08:00

When I was small, and Christmas trees were tall,
we used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from far away.

Now we are tall, and Christmas trees are small,
and you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
but guess who'll cry come first of May.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And as I recall the moment of them all,
the day I kissed your cheek and you were gone.

beat it.

2008-06-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

lapsing back into depression insomnia and eating disorders.

2008-06-24T21:44:00.002+08:00

the first two days of school have been...uneventful.
after school today, went to serangoon gardens to buy a cake and take it to rachael's house for her birthday to surprise her. but i expected she wouldn't be home so i left it in her fridge. it's funny how i can just walk into her house like it's my own.

gimme motivation to study.

close your eyes and i'll kiss you,
tomorrow i'll miss you,
remember i'll always be true.
and then while i'm away,
i'll write home everyday,
and i'll send all my loving to you.

290.

2008-06-23T22:23:00.003+08:00

******

let's all play the game of break her heart.

stop telling me things i don't need to know. or stop letting me find out things i shouldn't have to know. okay?

i'm so sick of love songs.

******

boom boom shake shake now drop

2008-06-22T20:11:00.005+08:00

today is June 22nd. elyssa and i got reaffirmed, while nicky got baptised! it was a hectic morning. first elys and i had to stand in front of the sanctuary and get reaffirmed. then issy led in worship and then all three families got up and left. we rushed to Bishan for nicky's baptism. and that fella, trying to be funny eh, when the pastor was asking his parents questions, he kept turning behind and making funny faces at us. we couldn't stop laughing omg. look at him!

anyway after that Edric drove us back to Serangoon for prayer&praise, then after that down to Great World City for lunch. shopped with issy after lunch and bought 2 slips yayyyyyy velly belly happy.

came home and slepttttttt.
confirmation pictures!

livvy is so cute. she has an imaginary friend called Sam. sometimes Sam is a boy, and sometimes she's a girl.

school starts in a night! blahh. i was looking forward to it till like, now. i just realised i have to get up at 530 again. suckfestcocknehnehpok. it doesn't matter i guess i get to see my girliez. after a long 430 day there's tuition with linx again. stewpid school.

why school can be good:

1. my classmates rock

2. cher han is fun to annoy

3. joyce makes me laugh till i cry

4. aircon everywhere

5. i feel less guilty even if i don't study at home.

why school sarks:

1. homework is the worst

2. waking up at unearthly hours

3. listening to teachers drone, especially during econs.

4. for some reason schools is just very sleepifying

5. my face is a mess

6. i eat alot even if i try to diet (SPEAKING OF WHICH, TMRW I REFUSE TO EAT AHHHHH FAT)

7. KSL is hot on everyone's heels

8. can't paint my nails sex colours

9. pretend to smile even when i'm having a bad day

10. i hate wet morning hair

see, hates double loves. everybody boycott MOE and let's all live the primitive way.

see you in >24 hours, when i'm back from tuition and if i'm not too tired.

happiness is a warm gun

2008-06-21T22:29:00.003+08:00

ohmygawwwwwwwwwd fucking cramps!

i didn't do any work at all yesterday, and at night i stayed over at Rach's place. we had chicken rice for dinner, sweet popiah, red bean pancake thingy, apple pie baked by her mom, and some other sweet thingum for supper, while watching Waterhorse. i swear it's a really cute/scary film. please watch, i'm not a luzza. this morning we got up at 12 and cabbed down to AMK for our mani-pedi hurrah. i got sex nails now.

just got home for church anniversary dinner, and everybody else is still out. weisheng rocks he kept me company the whole day with his textes. tmrw i am getting reaffirmed! cher and chanki are coming to watch! and matt too. hahaha i like to think i'm popular even though i'm not. anywayyyyyyy, edric got his license today i just find that quite interesting. okay and that's the end of my boring holidays. because school starts in 2 days. i'm very excited about it but at the same time ): . ohwellsuckmahlife.

i'm listening to very gay songs. take it whichever way you want. but it relaxes me. Lotion by Greens Keepers.

andrew baked me cookies. his cookies are the size of my face. yummy but messy.

i'll go walking with my little dog,

and then i'll go bury you in the lawn.

see? good music.

xoxo

by the way, meet my new heartthrob,

pokemon fever

2008-06-20T19:22:00.002+08:00

! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
you're gonna be a 200pound acne-fied non beauty
pushing daisies says:
OMFFF
pushing daisies says:
OMF OMF OMF OMF
pushing daisies says:
TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
hahahahahahahhahhahaa
pushing daisies says:
RIGHT NOW
pushing daisies says:
RIGHT NOW
pushing daisies says:
TAKE IT BACK
pushing daisies says:
I TACKLE YOU
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
CHARLIZARD, FIRE ATTACK, NOW!

pushing daisies says:
and i think you spelt his name wrong
pushing daisies says:
*wrongly
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
it's correct!
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
charmander charlizard!
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
CALL URSELF A POKEMON TRAINER
pushing daisies says:
i am not lor
pushing daisies says:
http://pokemon.com/

! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
bubbasaur
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
pikachu
pushing daisies says:
BULBASAUR
pushing daisies says:
LLL
pushing daisies says:
Bubb
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
hahahahahahahahahahha

! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Charizard_(Pok%C3%A9mon)
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
rizard
pushing daisies says:
HAHHAHAHAHAHAH
pushing daisies says:
CHARIZARD???
pushing daisies says:
NOT LIZARD LA HOR
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
hahahahahha
pushing daisies says:
charlizard
! ★ hello,goodbye , ` says:
WHEN THAT SHORT TONGUE ASH SAYS IT SOUNDS LIKE L LOR NOT R
pushing daisies says:
HAHAHHAHAHA FUCK YOU LA

doin' too much,

2008-06-19T22:19:00.005+08:00

Basically i spent 4 days 3 nights in Ho Chin Minh city. we went with three other families, and the kids outnumbered the adults. HCM is a really dirty place and the weather wasn't so great either. thankfully our hotel was nice, and cab fares were just 150000dong (S$1.50!!) at most. we ate at good places, La Maison and some seafood restaurant that had amaaazing oysters and sushi. at nights, elyssa and i tried to study but most of the time ended up falling asleep. either that or we'll troop down to edric & moses' room to play cards and watch TV. i was usually the last to go back at like 2am :O NOT ENOUGH SLEEP BAH

but the highlight of the trip was the tailoring. day 1, we went down to the market and bought all the materials in the world, from silk to tweed, and brought them to the tailors. we handed our designs in, and day 3, collected our new clothes! i made the most out everyone (whoops) but it feels gr8 hoho :) skirts, shorts, dresses ahoy and it was pretty cheap too, success!

okay, pictures.

and finally, one of the shorts i tailored. you can't see the detail but it's tweed and prettiful.

we cry.

2008-06-18T23:04:00.003+08:00

your downward smile makes me downward smile too.

yesterday studied at JE library with chanki and soulmate. after lunch chanki left and once again it was soulmate and i! the studdy buddies. :D inside joke!
today had tuition with lins, then studied at j8's coffeebean. dinner then home!
life is a bore.

i'll put up Viet pictures soon! a lil lazy to upload now. besides got lotsa work to catch up on. stories will come when the pictures come!

hearts and dribbly kisses,
clara

[edit]

my heart is reeling,

why are you confusing me so much.

what did those nights mean?

why are you making me miss them. urghhh. i hardly know you!

what if you're bringing all my feelings back?

[/edit]

hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me.

2008-06-17T18:55:00.002+08:00

Incompatible, it don't matter though.
Because someone's bound to hear my cry.
Speak out if you do,
You're not easy to find.

Is it possible Mr. Loveable is already in my life?
Right in front of me, or maybe you're in disguise?

Here we are again, circles never end.
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone,
But I'm still waiting in line.

Most relationships seem so transitory.
They're all good but not the permanent one.

Who doesn't long for someone to hold?
Who knows how to love you without being told?
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own,
If there's a soulmate for everyone?

and so it goes.

2008-06-12T21:14:00.002+08:00

Duffy reminds me of Amy Winehouse. a little sorta maybe.
waking up at 4am tomorrow, cab's coming at 5 to pick us up and off we go to the airport.
i can't help leaving with a sense of...uneasiness. ah whatever.

fuck i feel like crying.

tongue tied.

2008-06-12T00:21:00.002+08:00

Tuition this morning with cher, then studying at Lido. darshy and soph were there too and they came to say hi. i think the whole of AC was there.
After studying, i went to meet Juls and sissy for dinner and lindy hip hop at the esplanade. we wanted to go to BarStop for drinks after, but i was majorly underdressed, so i went into Hula & Co. and bought a green dress on impulse. and now it's my new phavorite.
We reached BarStop around 930, had callamari rings, pizza, pork bites, ravioli, a couple've drinks, and lotssss of jazz. i really love vodka and nothing else. anyway, we took seats right in the front, so we were right under the noses of the band playing. it's amazing how the guitarist and bassist's fingers move so swiftly and confidently that i found myself staring at them with my forkful of food raised.
now i'm home and bushed, Juls is staying over but she's leaving tomorrow afternoon so there's not much time to catch up with her. i've got tuition tomorrow with cher again, bummer gotta wake up at 815. too early for the beauty-sleep-queen.
gotta come home and pack pack pack garghhhh, vietnam vietnam VIETNAMMMM.

Whispers hello i miss you quite terribly.

if i kissed you.

2008-06-10T22:17:00.002+08:00

281st post. that's gotta mean something, two of the three are my favourite numbers.
oh my fuck! i just saw the brightest flash of lightning! i hate it when it rains. okay, i lie. i love it when it rains. i love the little droplets, i love watching them splash around, i love the pattering noises of rain hitting the ground. i love feeling the coolness against my skin, i love the wet feeling around my wrinkly toes. there's one thing i want to do before i die, and it's to dress in my comfiest lounge clothes, my hair let down, barefoot, and walk into the rainy outdoors. the time must be early 1900hrs, when the sun is setting and the sky is slightly dark. no lightning, no thunder, just raindrops trickling down my body and the fresh smell of moisture all around. i don't know why, but it's something i really really want to do. some people want to swim in a pool of spaghetti, others want to sky dive. but i just want to walk in the rain.

last night the girls came over to stay, and we studied till midnight, then watched Across The Universe. i don't understand how Jude could cheat on his girlfriend, or how Lucy could sleep with Jude when her boyfriend just died in war. but overall the movie was really nice. much need to read between the lines, which gave me a bit of a headache, and i kept asking in intervals of about 20 seconds 'what did that mean? huh, who?', so the other 4 girls wanted to slit my throat. watched Insomnia on MTV till 330 before we finally slept.

today we took the Nim bus out after lunch, and the rest went for tuition while prills and i went to AMKhub to study. gina came at around 5, just before prills left. dinner with soulmate and then home, which is where i am now.

i am getting really fat, i'm quite disgusted with myself. did you realize holidays are ending? there's only 1.5 more weeks. you should be very sad and disappointed, like me.

i want to watch Sex and The City again.

tomorrow there's GP tuition in the morning, then studying with cher after. nothing on my schedule for thurs. friday, ho chin minh here i come.

here i am sitting in my bra and jeans, feeling miserably fat and emoing over the ending holidays. get a lifeeeeee, clara lam. i need a man! haaaaa.

i wish the girls could stayover everydayyyy, take my mind off things. i missed you today.

i learnt binomial theorum and partial fractions today. A levels, we will rock you.

SHOP TILL YOU DROP AND PARTY LIKE IT'S HAWT.

stardust.

2008-06-08T21:01:00.002+08:00

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting. It couldn’t be that we have been this way before. I know you don’t think that I am trying, I know you’re wearing thin down to the core.

But hold your breath,
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over again.
Don’t make me change my mind,
I won’t live to see another day, I swear its true.
Because a boy like you is impossible to find,
You’re impossible to find.

So breathe in so deep, breathe me in;
I’m yours to keep.

And hold onto your words beause talk is cheap.
And remember me tonight,
When you’re asleep.

2008-06-08T13:42:00.005+08:00

i'm like you, usually when i see YouTube clips i just ignore and scroll down. i'm lazy to wait for it to load, and lazy to adjust my ears to painfully sharp sounds.
but please please please watch this, it is the best youtube clip i've ever seen, IT'S SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY. if i took the time to watch this, you have to too! it's the most adorable.

HEY JUDE
click it!

for ever and ever, babe.

2008-06-07T20:55:00.005+08:00

Woke up at 630 this morning to go to school for SATs. after a gruelling 5 hours, cher, charisse, joyce and i went to vivo for lunch. got home, and sissy was watching hana kimi on crunchyroll, so i started too. i wanted to continue watching till the cows came home but then guilt got the better of me and i'm hauling my lazy ass off my bed and getting to work now. pfft.

Quit playing games with my heart
Because baby you don't know what it feels like.
..

mercy.

2008-06-05T19:38:00.005+08:00

A BAG OF SONGS AND A HEAVY HEART

PROMISE ME YOU WON'T STEP OUT OF LINE,

serious?

I COULDN'T CONTROL MYSELF

baby baby baby spend your time on me...
My heart was clutching

TO WHAT FELT RIGHT, MY HEAD WAS HOPING IT COULD PUT UP A FIGHT

But I know that all your poetry just comes from

INSECURITY

DUST GATHERS ON MY STEREO

Cause I can't bear to hear the radio

I'm a dreamer

Mr. Curiosity.

2008-06-04T21:06:00.006+08:00

The angels, they burn inside for us.
Are we ever, are we ever gonna learn to fly?
The devils they burn inside of us.
Are we ever gonna come back down and come around?
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold.
This is the last time,
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight.
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear to see.

Quotes.

2008-06-03T21:57:00.005+08:00

Lately i've been hearing, reading alot of words. phrases. alphabets. and they stick in my head, because..well, just because. i've been meaning to compile them but never got to it. So, here are a couple of my favorite lines from wherever.

Don't forget to kiss me if you're leaving.

And tonight will be the night I fall for you.

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

***

yeah, lovey dovey, shudder if you want, but they make me tingle inside. i cry reading books and watching movies don't tell me to shove the tap because that's the way i am. look at me when i watched P.S I Love You. i was an unstoppable tap.

Okay, bye.

another one bites the dust.

2008-06-01T18:09:00.003+08:00

i used to think caffeine had no effect on me, but evidently i was wrong. at elyssa's place yesterday, guitar hero, alcohol, steamboat, ended the night off with an expresso an 11pm. i was hyper and awake till 5am. andrew called cuz he was the boredest human on earth, even though he was at clarke quay. he spent two hours trying to convince me to join him, until he finally gave up and cabbed home. weisheng was texting me too cuz he was bored at his sundown marathon whatchamacallit. so i spent the ~~night~~ morning talking to two bored kids. finally fell asleep at 5 and got up at 7 to tell my dad i'm not going to church.

after lunch today the kids went shopping and i finally got my gel eyeliner brush! hurrah hurrah. did absolutely no work today ): good thing jenie's coming soon for tuition.

speaking of which she's here, so i'll continue this later!

hugs and kisses and dandy misses.

[edit]

okay the C-minator is back! math and i have such a strong love-hate relationship.

unfortunately the past couple of days i haven't been able to keep up with my schedule. i'm about 2 assignments behind time ): it's either burn midnight oil (seriously who does that during the holidays?) or continue lagging. but sleep is precious and oh my oh my time to wax and facialize my face.

okay enough about the work and the more work. people don't read my blog to feel depressed (~~for me~~).

tomorrow is GP lessons in the morning, and tuition in the afternoon with JL. tues is GP in the morning and tuition in the afternoon with CB. wed is GP in the morning and tuition in the afternoon with J. HAHAHHA WHAT A LIFE. come to think of it, i just had tuition last thurs, sat, and today.

shut up about the work, you loser phreak.

i feel the urge to suntan and swim. except i feel too fat to get into my swimsuit. bah humbug. oh my gawd, i have been staring at my screen for 3 minutes trying to figure out what else i can write about other than work. fuck, my life sucks because it revolves around numbers and big words ):

I NEED TO PARTY. mambo mambo maybe this wednesday. i feel fugly. i'm going to put up a picture now because it's my blog and i can do whatever i want, and because i want to make myself feel pretty.

okay i'm glamoruz.

my eyes are puffy and tired. face mask and bed time. i don't give a fuck about chemical periodicity anymore.

i saw ____ today. he was so cute. :D teehee.

[/edit]

down diggity.

2008-05-30T20:41:00.005+08:00

mundane.

tuition today with cheryl the han. afterwhich we shopped for new bikinis (unsuccessfully) and then studied at coffeebean. i think her germs hopped host, because i'm feeling the start of a fever. i just tripped over my own leg when hit my thigh against the edge of my bed, and it's swollen and blue. i award myself Biggest Klutz trophy.

i've been staying home the past two days (today not included), trying to be a good girl and making mom happy. but at the expense of my studies because cooped up in the overly-familiar 4 walls of my room and the disgusting heat totally turns me off. i haven't been able to absorb much, and keep pacing all around my house and annoying the crap out of my maid because i tend to leave the fans/lights on wherever i go.

i feel like retching, nyeh.

suddenly it's very lonely here, nobody's at home, nobody's online, everybody's busy. busy with what?

Prelims are in 9 weeks. A levels are in less than 6 months. and i thought i just finished O levels? a whole year flew past and many things happened -- but how come i only seem to remember one? it shouldn't matter. i lost a lot of emotions in the last year, a lot of myself, and a little of everything in between. but looking back, i wouldn't really have changed anything. wanzhen would say i've changed a lot since my short hair and purple specs, since she knew me when i was immature and easy-going. i guess i have changed, haven't i?

last night issy and i baked apple crumble. i shall go take a small slice before i glue my eyes to my econs notes. macroeconomics is a bleddy shard of glass in the arse. blue blistering barnacles.

**
Use me as you will,
pull my strings just for a thrill,
and I know I'll be okay,
though my skies are turning gray.

And I don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

SENTOSA & CLARKE QUAY.

2008-05-28T19:53:00.009+08:00

****

my second post for the day!
i really am quite bored :\

i kept my promise!

i did something stupid today. shouldn't have told you anything.

****

2008-05-28T10:55:00.004+08:00

2 NEW DRESSES.
sunday was spent with bestie, studying at mogu mogu (where something horrifying happened!) and shopping at far east! we both bought stuff and it felt quite rewarding after she slogged away over a chinese essay and i went bonkers doing math. every time i see her i remember why she's my bestie ;)
pictures will come soon!

monday, i studied at home, then met zhusidan at harbourfront for dinner. then we left for school to watch joshua's malay thingum. it was fun except the jokes didn't have subtitles and joyce and i just gave really blank looks. there were two tiny malay boys in front of us and i just wanted to grab one and plop him in my lap. ultimately adorable. and their older brothers sitting next to them were so cute. hahaha.

tuesday, went to novena to look at the new house my parents bought. then met cheryl and we went to sentosa. IT FREAGINN STARTED RAINING. tmd! but after a while it went away and the sun came out to shine and play (: we got in about an hour of proper good sun at cafe del mar. i don't feel much tanner but i'm a little red at the shoulders so hopefully it will turn brown!
there were these annoying bengs tanning near us, and another group of CHAO LIANS on the other side. omg damn gross and irritating. play music play until so loud. suckfest.

after tanning we went to vivo for some shopping and i bought amazingly cool leopard print shades. hahahah sounds outrageous yes i know but they are so incredibly fun. then we met the gang at clarke quay, and had a nice dinner at Manhatten Fish Market. we spent so much that all 9 of us are VIPs and get 10% off each meal. hahahaha.
the rest went to Clinic for drinks, but i left ): boohoohoo.

today is stay home and rest day. okay i lie, it's stay home and study day. but i'm procrastinating a lot. garghz okay CLARA OFF TO WORK YOU GO.

I SWEAR PICTURES WILL BE UP SOON. TONIGHT.

[edit]

(A) let me down again. Whereas (B) makes me smile. gotta get my mind right.

[/edit]

***
Say it again for me,
Because i love the way it feels,
when you're telling me that i’m
the only one who blows your mind.
Say it again for me,
it’s like the whole world
stops to listen,
when you tell me you’re in love.
***

2008-05-24T19:29:00.003+08:00

last sunday, joyce, sixuan and i went over to cher's house for study overnight camp. i got there around 11 and we studied till 4am! then we got restless and tired so we walked over to Yew Tee and got some food! cher and i shared a mcgriddles which is AMAHHHZING. next morning i left with joyce at 1+, yawwwwn!

the last week of school was useless. monday and friday no school, plus i skipped wednesday. so it was a 2-day week for me (: but CB and i skipped practically all our lessons hehehe.

friday i went out with issy, who is back for three months!!!! muchos happy is clara :DDDDD we met mae for a while, then she left and we went to borders and there are two books that i want to buy. carried out issy's surprise dinner at ichiban boshi! but i don't really think she was surprised because the people i invited were quite duhhh and easy to guess hoho.

home home home today. was supposed to wake up at 830 but i shut off my alarm and slept thru till 10. finally got my lazy butt up and studied till 6pm. i am going to fail my SATs urghhghgh. save me from me!

If I kissed you,
Would fireworks fly?
Would angels sing with lollipops,
Would dinosaurs cry?
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise,
If I kissed you?

If I kissed you,
What would Michelangelo say?
Would he still have sculpted David,
Would we be immortalized in clay?
Would the poets write of love like ours,
Would John Donne have his say,
If I kissed you?

You could be one in a million.
You could be the one for me.
But, I guess I'll never know if I never try.
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms,
And kiss you.

happy holidays!

******

2008-05-17T00:47:00.003+08:00

***

trying to be a good friend but you make it so difficult.

naps in the afternoon and sleepless nights.
dragging others down with me.
grey's anatomy unhealthy for the heart.
need my friends.

***

2008-05-12T22:04:00.008+08:00

happy birthday, mr 19.

enjoy your last year of teenage-hood (:

chapel, sgc, break, econs math, break, gp, break, pe pe pe pe. let me tell you a very fun conversation that happened today, just before lit.

MG girls: should we go for lit? she's not coming in today. let's like not go?

-boy walks past, jialin grabs him-

Jialin: ISAAC! is there lit lesson now?!

Boy: i'm not sure i don't think she's coming in, nobody's in class now......but my name's not isaac?

hahahha i found it very ticklish. and another thing that made me laugh today was softball, during pe.

dewei got very excited and anxious to throw the ball to third base before the runners got through, so he jumped around, caught the ball, and flung the ball with his left hand. and flung his entire glove along with it.

TWO TIMES IN A ROW.

after school, bathed at the music centre, then cabbed down for tuition. i am so freaking sleepy now i think i'm going to roll off my chair.

tomorrow is school then tuition again. gargh.

okay i'm reading some of my gp package then snuggling up in bed.

xoxo!

*********

pictures from cher's 18th

*********

happy birthday, mr wonderful.

2008-05-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

why does time pass by so slowly when you want it to fly?

my room has a new aircon. it's so cold, and blows so loudly that i think a ghost is going to come out like a furball. but anyway, clara's life is updating very slowly. currently i'm living on distractions and motivation, and i've probably never been more grateful for having such amazing friends. i need the jackass who lives next door. hurry come back from tekong, you loser phreak, i need to talk to you.

anyway, econs tuition tomorrow, yawn i'm going to be so dead beat tired. i just finished 3 hours of math tuition oh-em-gosh. lunch at fernhill today really fun, the food was yum and the people were yay. stayed till 430 playing Wii, and with Nick and Liv. & i haven't run in 3 days. i'm a fat ass momma who's gonna die of obesity.

GP PACKAGE TEST ):

but i can't believe it anymore.

we were as one, for a moment in time,
and it seemed everlasting, that you would always be mine.
but now you want to be free, so I'm letting you fly.

i'm not gonna cry, no, and I won't beg you to stay.
If you're determined to leave, I'll not stand in your way.
you'll always be a part of me, and I'm part of you indefinitely.
And we'll linger on, time can't erase a feeling this strong.
No way, you're never gonna shake me, because you'll always be my baby.

******

2008-05-11T00:39:00.004+08:00

we celebrated a special someone's birthday this week, and her name is han bao bao! her balloon was the yummiest shizz. happy 18th, cher! lunch at cine with hiro nakamura and birthday girl on tuesday.

wednesday, gym then GP tuition with cher.

thursday i cannot remember, i think i just came home, ran, slept.

friday went for AC-RJ rugby match!! yay AC wonwonwon. nearly had to take the chartered bus back to school with the smelly ruggers, but gina chanki and i ended up cabbing! we waited fifty hours before a cab finally came. many AC people drove pass us in cabs and laughed scornfully ): AC'S GOT TALENT was preeeetty entertaining, but we all left early because it got draggy at the end. got home at like 1030, home sleep home!

saturday, studying at rachy's house, then essential brew's for dinner, then guitar concert in school! jlinx my ladeh we are so proud of you. glosticks are the cutest fizzle dizzle! i left my cardigan at essential brew ):

anyway, i just got home not too long ago, and i'm tired. my eyes hurt from rubbing eyeliner off.

gotta stop living on the rebound.

you got me begging you for mercy, why won't you release me.

have you ever been in love? you could touch the moonlight.

now that you want to be free, I'm letting you fly.

you'll always be a part of me, and i'm part of you indefinitely.

built a wall around my heart, never let it fall apart.

i'll follow you into the dark.

between now and then, until i see you again.

**********

impersonal.

2008-05-05T23:06:00.005+08:00

napfa is goodbye and farewell.
cheryl's turning 18 tomorrow.
2 tests this week.
chipped nail polish.
sleeping in papa & mama's room.
SATs in less than a month.
University of Edinburgh?

"i know things now are definitely more trying. but stay strong and just hang in there...in the end, the world & people are just temporal, but His love never fails :)"

& i'm still in the game.

****

lonely escapade.

2008-05-03T11:24:00.003+08:00

my first big run away, here and now.

labour day studying

2008-05-01T20:39:00.002+08:00

the girlfriend and i went to town to study today and we were fairly productive.
much homework to finish still sigh.
got home and ran 4.5km!
been feeling fat you see ): starve clara starve ):
anyway this is just for linx, who is very annoying:
x HAD LUNCH AT SWENSONS WITH JLINX ON MONDAY, AND ECONS TUITION TGT AFTERWARD.
maybe sun tanning with CB on saturday, and bbq at six's on friday. sarah's birthday on saturday!!!
AYAM BROKE.

2008-04-29T19:10:00.004+08:00

*************

***********

x more pictures from liah's camera.

x two special peoples' birthdays coming up.

x math tutorial 27

x new GP tuition begins wednesday

x mozzies are breeding, i am bleeding.

x new top has arrived in my mail! :o)

x lost my favourite hair pins in the taxi.

x everybody's getting skinnier while i'm getting fatter. ):

x no sourpower during econs tuition this week.

x lost my GP resource file and DOM knnccb

x skyping with sissy !

x math test sucked, study hard for chem test.

x take a bow - rihanna

x eyebags appearing ):

x boys are such trouble.

x all 9 to vivo for free cone day.

x too much yong tau foo for a lifetime.

x testimony is due, i am getting reconfirmed.

x craving for donuts OOOOO

x annoying _____ ): so irritating !

x disappointments.

x see you again - mylie cyrus

that sums up the past, present, and future of Clara's April.

*****************

2008-04-27T21:25:00.006+08:00

*****

P&P !!!
*****

after watching the show on friday night with Liah, Cher and Weisheng, we trekked down to Macs for supper. the plan was then to go drinking, but the night ended after supper. We'll make up for it on Cheryl's birthday maybe !

the rest of the nights and afternoons were spent FOHing with charisse and cheryl and dawn. it was boring/fun and we spent alot of the time at 7-11 and playing games on our phones hohoho. but overall, :D

and on saturday, after FOH, cheryl and i went to town and had a green slurpee, shopped, and i went for dinner with her family! her brother's new PSP is the bomb. i'm born to be an F1 racer !

someday we die.

2008-04-25T00:00:00.002+08:00

it's 00:00 and i just got home from FOH. cheryl, charisse and i wanted to die of boredom, and we all played games on our phones till we killed our batteries.
anyway tomorrow we're all skipping school, so i'm gonna work on my complex numbers, then go for P&P at night. told my parents i won't be coming home tomorrow night, but i've yet to find a place to sleep.

i'm tired.

♥ it's my prerogative.

2008-04-22T20:48:00.004+08:00

Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be close behind,
I'll follow you into the dark.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white,
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.

& if heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.

♥♥

after school, cher, weisheng, ari and i went down to SP to visit sixuan. we had lunch, stayed till about 430, then cher and i went to cityhall to roam. i don't know why but i miss spending time with her (: i'm glad we had fun and laughs today. plus we've found our 2 new phavorite songs. &&& cher made weisheng sign a contract saying,

"I, Lee Weisheng, promise to marry Cheryl Han if I am not married by 45."

yesterday was a bad day. it was a very unloved, physically, mentally and emotionally tiring day. lectures, tutorials, 2.4 run, tuition, ~~friends~~, and you. i'm glad today was a million times better (:

and joyce told me today that i only ran 5 rounds for my 2.4. i'm going to die and foam at the mouth out of guilt. but i really don't wanna re-run tomorrow. i'll go to the gym this weekend to make up ):

last year, i had 1 tuition. this year, i have 3. it's very draining. and i'm finally working on my math, after letting it fail for more than a year. i am proud of myself! i'm proud of all my classmates because we're all working harder than we did last year ! (:

P&P thurs,fri,sat. i hope cheryl can stayover on friday night! then we can have HTHT and do facials and massage each other's feet. this weekend will either be a blast or utter boredom, and i hope it's the first!

i'm doing my econs essay now, and all the points just link to every other one, and it goes round and round in circles, i don't know where to start.

many birthday are coming up! it's present time!

xoxo, clara

2008-04-18T20:51:00.003+08:00

yesterday after school, joyce+cheryl+clara trekked to SMU to study. then i met P and went home.

today after school, joyce+cheryl+sixuan+clara went to Vivo to eat and shop. sorry siti, i totally meant to go, but...stupid P lah.

the past two days were really amusing, i think all of us have 5 million pecs from laughing. and it's nice to end off a week like that because i've been moodswinging like hell. after 2.4 on wednesday, i just started crying out of nowhere, how about that. strange weird quaint hormones of females.

didn't buy anything today, either nothing was good, or no mood to try/buy. i ate alot today, i'm now 10kg heavier and overweight. sixuan is skinny, i want to be like her ):

once upon a time i was skinny.

now i'm a blimp.

see, moodswinging again. with the girls a few hours ago i was as happy as a kungfu fighting fish, but now i am feeling like it's the worst loneliest night ever ):

tomorrow i am watching WE WILL ROCK YOU with cher! am so belly eggcite. we're going to dress until very sex and hope that we will be invited on stage to perform with them!

i finally understand probability, i feel so accomplished and smarter. by the way, my stay-home-after-school plan sort of worked. until thurs when i went SMU, but i studied! and today, which was crap. but tmr morning i'm going to wake up early before the concert and study. weekend assignments here i come!

i need to jog/swim/club to lose some of my bleddy fats. i'm going to start bouncing instead of walking alr, very gross.

************************************

i'm really upset tonight, but i don't know how to tell you. what i told you that day, it's like you don't even care. nothing's changed since. i thought i could spend some time with you this weekend, because next week i'm packed and i don't know when i can see you again. but you weren't there. and i don't know why, but i just have this aching feeling that you're lying. i didn't expect to miss you so much.

***********************************

-xoxo

2008-04-16T18:14:00.006+08:00

Should I give up, or should I keep chasing pavements, even if they lead nowhere?

colour me pretty.

2008-04-13T13:41:00.003+08:00

world's laziest ass award goes to me, me, me. my life now is 101% indulgence, if you minus away the A levels and bad future, i'm completely blissful and perpetually grinning. ~~woe is me.~~

term results are bad but not bad enough, i didn't get SSP and my tutors don't quite hate me. i've been missing lit lectures like crazy and i just skipped school last wednesday, and my tutorials are not done before-hand, i'm not ready for tests, and i sleep during econs lecture. i foresee ugly A level results.

i'm a stupid cow.

stop being lazy clara lam, and distractions please go away. laptops are evil, handphones are beastly, shopping brings doom and sleeping makes you die early. i'm going to die at 32.

i'm going to make a pact with myself. next week, apart from tuitions, i'm going to go str8 home after school, and study. no shopping/lunching/finding-any-excuse-to-go-out. i'm going to be a nerd for the next week (cherrall, we need our new specs!), and then on saturday, i'm going to play to reward myself. sunday is of course tuition and more studying. if my plan works out then i'll continue for subsequent weeks. in my sec 4 year i was so motivated to study and i could stay at my desk for 18hrs on end (no breaks, okay. i was a serious mugger.) and now i cannot sit myself down to finish a GP essay! garghghghgh.

i'm a stupid cow!

oh crimity. i just realized i have Songfest on friday so i cannot go home to nerd after school. fine, saturday morning i'll make up.

muzick makes me lose control!

our world should be single-sex and we should all procreate through parthenogenesis. boys make our heads spin and we waste too much time thinking about them. it's buzy frizzy dizzy.

too cool for school.

you!

look at that hunkava ass.

webcam webcam webcam

2008-04-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

After school today cheryl and i cabbed down to NLB and then walked to bugis because we couldn't find seats. studied GP package and ari came and around 6 we left. i went home while the other two continued shopping.

i miss the way you held me to your heart.

i miss the way you loved me.

i miss the way you kissed.

2008-04-06T18:43:00.003+08:00

i have the world's most irresponsible tutor who is constantly cancelling on me an hour before tuition with the excuse that she's sick or what not. it's very annoying because every time i try to change tuition time she says i cannot. forever expecting me to be free as and when she is, so i can have tuition. as if my schedule has to revolve around her!
on that note, i am too angsty and red-faced to bother posting pictures!

GOODDAY.

[edit]

today is sunday, the day of rest. but i don't feel rested at all. after screaming into my pillow for ten seconds most of my anger is gone, and i can blog proper.

after church i went to pak's house and studied some econs. then we bought ice cream and ate it at the bbq pit downstairs. and i rushed home for tuition (by cab mind you, that was almost 10$) and lo and behold, a few minutes after i step into my house, i receive an sms saying you-know-who's not coming.

bah humbug.

i reserve the right for a bitchfit because people let me down.

the supposed plan was for cheryl to come over after school on tuesday so that we can round up our stuff, take pictures, and post them on lj for selling. but now she-who-shall-not-be-named wants me to go to her house for tuition on tuesday. so plans ruined, hardeeharhar. once again clara rearranges her schedule to make time for her very indecisive tutor.

anyway, friday i think i may be meeting irra and dee and some others to study. which makes me even more excited for the week to end. i haven't seen them since march last year, and i miss them quite a lot.

on a more personal note, things to do:

Herland essay, wednesday
Complex numbers tutorial 24, tuesday
Carbonyl compounds tutorial, thursday
Alcohols tutorial, whenever
Alcohols weekend assignment, tuesday
National Accounts & Balance of Payment notes, whenever

I read a note my Grandma wrote, back in 1923.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me.
He said: Boy you might not understand, but a long long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none,
But I loved your Grandma so.
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet,

instead I found this letter,
And this is what it said:

If you get there before I do,
Don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'll be,
But i'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see.
And between now and then,
Until I see you again,
I'll be loving you . . .
Love me.

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away,
In the doorway of a church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray.
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years,
But as he said these words to her,
His eyes filled up with tears:

If you get there before I do,
Don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through,
I don't know how long I'll be,
But i'm not gonna let you down,
Darling wait and see.
And between now and then,
Until I see you again,
I'll be loving you . . .
Love me.

[/edit]

tgif.

2008-04-05T23:24:00.003+08:00

what an exciting two consecutive days!

yesterday was friday. after school, cheryl and i rushed to bugis because we were ravenous girls with appetites to eat wild boars. we had chicken rice, and cheryl got breastmeat because she forgot to tell the uncle that we're both drum eaters. so i exchanged two pieces of my drum for her breast meat and i don't know why i am telling you this? anyway, after lunch, we went shopping for ~~necessities~~wants, and at around 4, pakky came and cheryl left.

first we tried bugis street, then we tried far east, taka, and many places to look for a new bag for him. and at taka we bumped into his mum! she kind of snuck up from behind me and whispered "don't tell him i'm behind!" into my ear and i got the shock of my life. but mr pak totally didn't realize. it was funny shizz, i laughed the whole afternoon. then we bumped into darsh&jeanne like twice, and darsh was holding some lamb meat from cold storage and i swear it probably rotted because she had it the whole afternoon. and we also bumped into sarah lee shu qing who is supposed to tell me some secret information but refused to yesterday >;\ and we also bumped into nat and gerri at taka's plenty-food place.

i think all that information was quite redundant. i am in a very redundant rambly mood i guess.

okay then pak didn't send me home because his friends were waiting for him at katong. lousy right? hahaha. don't kill me when you see this, boy :\

aaaaaand today! today is saturday. was supposed to meet cheryl to study in the morning, but the girl got home at 5am from six's bbq, so totally couldn't wake up. no matter, because i shut off my alarm and slept through till 1030am. hurhur so much for my 'wake-up-early-and-study-because-i'm-a-total-lazy-ass-slacker-lately' plan. well anyway around 330 pakky called and said meet him at orchard at 430. so being a girl, i took an hour to get ready and left the house at 430 and reached at 5, and the loser still was only at tanah merah. i hate my punctuality. next time i go out, i'm telling whoever i'm meeting to come half an hour earlier than the time i intend to reach.

okay now that all the bullshit is out of my mouth, or fingers, since i'm typing it technically, we went bugis, raffles place, far east (twice), and scoured the whole of singapore for pakky's bag again. and finally he got it and insisted on carrying it there and then, so basically he was carrying an empty bag that looked very flat the rest of the night. we had fried mars bars, sausage, meesua that was very yummy minus the spring onion, and old chang kee for dinner. WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS. then we took 36 to suntec, and 70 to my house. and i reached home half an hour past my curfew, and when i entered the house my mom was staring at me and pointing an accusatory finger at me: "YOUNG LADY YOU ARE LATE. COME UPSTAIRS."

and i got scolded and turns out she called me a million times but my phone service was screwed so i didn't get any. well so for the next one week, i have to be home by 9. this sucks.

so that's why my two days were exciting. tomorrow i have tuition at 9pm. very sucks okay. sighghghghz i want A levels to come tomorrow and be gone.

issy is coming home 20th may :D:D:D read my smiling face!

p/s: i didn't shop the past two days, i am the best. praise me.

and just because text-only posts are boring shittles (just like M&Ms without colour):

i just find this last picture very amusing. an idiotic boy who likes to pretend to faint while everyone else is dancing in clubs.

2008-04-03T20:26:00.002+08:00

did i mentioned i've recently done some shopping?

skipped school on monday because post-funorama-cleanups are not my thing. then it was far east with CB on tuesday, which included two dresses and chicken rice and pearl milk tea. wednesday had nose drops and pep talk by lancelot. and today is thursday, which involved online shopping in the library during break, plaza sing after school, and another two new dresses. i'm spending so much i think i'm eating into my reserves.
there are a million more things i want to buy too. and i think i'm just going to end up buying them all hmm :\
mayyyybe meeting the crew and bbq @ six's place tomorrow night, if CB decides to go. i'm desperately trying to escape family dinner on saturday because it's going to be quite boring, plus there are no kids around. but CB is meeting ____ and pak is probably unavailable (busy with little computer rendezvous). today i was supposed to go for SA-AC match at NJ. butttttt, shopping seemed more appealing :D

i love making CB snicker while she's alone on the train.

i hope i get well soon! snot and phlegm don't look good on me. i'm a walking germ bubble.
i heart weisheng's new cardigan. i'm going to steal it one day!

2008-03-29T20:51:00.004+08:00

will you be my friend, even if the skies turn grey and the earth cracks open?
MOS that night. and i met the same crew last night with cheryl, and we walked and drank @ gloria jeans.

FUNORAMA. i love the people who came (especially if they bought tickets from me), funorama XIX was the best. i had loads of fun even though we were on our feet the entire day. i saw KSL get dunked and that was the prime catch of the day heh heh.

my furreaking fever is back and my nose&throat are still really bad. booo i want to get better i want my voice back again!

******************************************************
i wish it could be a case of take it or leave it, i wish everything were black or white, why did in betweens have to happen? they make my world stop and make me annoyed. i am very annoyed tonight. i would blame it on my fever, but it's really not it, is it.
am i selfish, or is it not my fault?
mehhhh, you make it impossible for me to be angry with you. just with your one phonecall my anger dissipated.
******************************************************

Midnight, gettin' uptight. Where are you?
You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two
I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you.

Daylight, spent the night without you.
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do.
I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through.
Hey, man, bet you can treat me right.
You just don't know what you was missin' last night.
I wanna see your face and say forget it just from spite.
I think of you ev'ry night and day.
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.

I hate myself for loving you .
Can't break free from the the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you.

goodnight, anyway.

2008-03-26T13:15:00.002+08:00

i had the best 18th birthday ever, even though i celebrated from home (:

2008-03-23T12:51:00.002+08:00

i know i said there would be pictures and all and i know they are fifteen hundred times more fun to look at than my slow boring torturous life story. but eh my blog my rules :D

okay the entire week has been spent planning for funorama and getting back term results, but it ended off mossing on friday night. went with CB and sixuan and a couple of others, and the only part of MOS that plays decent music is smoove and the retro room, and everything else just about sucks. but i had fun, and so did CB, sweaty clubs are the ultimate sex. minus the horny guys who try to grope and grind.
we've been having lots of birthdays lately, first joyce's and now prila's. and on wednesday it's mine! i think CB and i can forget about maroon5 because we kept dillydallying and i bet tickets are completely sold out by now ): i mean, it's m5 we're talking about. sucks, it would have been the best birthday present ever. i am actually pouting now haha, i didn't even realise it!

FUNORAMA XIX
29 MARCH
ACJC
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.
BE THERE OR BE CLOBBERED.
buy tickets from me please?
i've sold 0. help a poor soul. do your kind deed for the day.

if you have empty milo tins please donate them to me because the teachers are hounding us for them. i'm going to be dogfood if i don't find 6 of them soon.

ECONS TUITION FOR THE FIRST TIME TMR.

2008-03-17T18:11:00.003+08:00

okay there was going to be a whole lot of pictures from 3 events:
1. Valentines' Day Dinner
2. Joyce's 18th Birthday at Seoul Garden
3. Meritus Mandarin Hotel Stayover to celebrate Prila's birthday (ironically the cake reads joyce and clara because we're all march babies)
but blogger is being a cow so i can't seem to upload anymore.

so we just have to wait for my next uploading-pictures-spree mood ! (;

ELL OH VEE EE.

2008-03-13T22:54:00.002+08:00

my kiddies for the past few days. they are the kewtest.
i walked in the rain and got completely drenched like a pig thrown into water, and cheryl and i nearly got our fingers broken carrying groceries and heads burnt off while steaming at some blasted auntie. cheryl composed a song with just the word 'fuck'. but other than the above i think we all had fun looking after the kids and carrying heavy logistics stuff around the place! and not sleeping, of course.
i havent had a good night's sleep in a while! keep waking up in the middle of the night, if i even sleep at all. i think somebody's cursing me or something.

i'm in the mood for some retail therapy. and and and crubbing. i havent clubbed since ten million years ago. sweat makes me feel less guilty for all the eating i've been doing! pig clara pig.

dad brought back some shopping from issy in london! yay new stuff for clara hehehe.

i think i am 65kg nor or something. shiate.

2008-03-07T23:33:00.001+08:00

goodbye, civilisation, for five days!

love me even when i'm grimy smelly and sweaty.

2008-03-05T23:49:00.001+08:00

distractions and hyperventilation.

2008-03-04T21:57:00.003+08:00

i hereby declare the march holidays anti-studying week! terms are ending tomorrow and my classmates and i relieved to the ultimate and we are going out to P-A-R-T-WHY? because we gotta!
the past week has been spent skipping school and studying, libraries, cafes, houses, eggciting! -_-

anyway anyway anyway, tomorrow is going to be a fun day because my lovelies and i are going to vivo after our paper, and then we are going to watch Leap Years/The Eye. i actually want to go sentosa to suntan, but Sangee the blackie cannot sit still hiding under an umbrella for a few hours. but okay movies are the sex anyway, so i'm still good to go!

thursday, then friday, then saturdayyyyy is joyce tan shu min's hatch day. i can't wait to celebrate it (: and then at night some of us are going to Ngee Ann Primary for some stupid camp that is 5 days 4 nights long. omg me the very-homesick-prone loozer is going to cry till my eyeballs roll out. sighghghgh like that how to go overseas next time ? alright so that camp kind of occupies most of my march holidays. sucks huh. but okay one plus point is the people are my friends, and they will alleviate my homesickness i hope! and i'll probably be too tired from screaming and chasing after kids the entire day to feel homesick.

although i've been supposed to be studying, CB and i still somehow went shopping a few times and i bought some new clothes, yay. the stupid girl is still on lent but she keeps buying things.

MY LIFE IS SO BORING SUGAR SPICE & EVERRRYYTHING NICE PLEASE.

i have missed cat class 3 weeks in a row, haha oops.

5 facts you didn't know about claralamshuyi:

she can finish an entire jar of peanutbutter-jam swirl with her fingers/spoon (okay the small jar)
she plucks her hair out sometimes to examine its quality
she has an 11 year old soft toy husky that she still hugs to sleep
she closes her eyes before and after getting out of the shower to avoid looking at her fat body in the mirror (haha)
she sleeps with her head at the foot of the bed because she thinks the fengshui is better

2008-02-25T20:56:00.004+08:00

if life had a shortcut, i'd like to find it.

the littlest things take me there.

2008-02-21T19:26:00.003+08:00

damned IB is down forever, and i can't get any shopping done!
i have been really cranky off late, and i think my friends are starting to hate me. cheryl is getting the brunt of it, i'm sorry CB. my note to self is to keep my temper in check, and hopefully i won't tread on anyone's toes anymore. actually this has been a comparatively good week. i did pretty okay in all my tests, and there hasn't been an avalanche of homework. i even got to watch a movie and go out for lunch with them m8ts. but i'm still grumpy ole woman who lives in a shoe.

i've finally received deb&mae's new batch of items, and i like the bags and accessories alot, i feel like buying them all. they're sitting at the foot of my bed looking inviting with leopard print and all. gasp.

mass PE on wednesday has left my entire class aching at the thighs and arms. it's quite funny because whenever we reach a flight of stairs, you can hear the unison: "oooow oooooh OW" as we very slowly make our way down. and the funniest bummer is that Joyce's penance is that she cannot take the lift until Easter. (penance -it's a thing Catholics do, they sacrifice something that is important to them) and for Cheryl Han, her penance is NO SHOPPING. she wrote that nice and big in her organizer, and right next to it is a bright post-it that reads 'THINGS TO BUY: ..."

everybody hates Jumper but i like it leh?

Parents are going to phuket tomorrow morning so i have to make my way to school all by myself ): i feel like just not going. if i cab it's like close to 30bucks, and if i take the train, i have to get up at an unholy hour of 430, no kidding. it's a lose-lose situation, and plus the lessons tmr are pretty much useless apart from Econs, sooooo....

i caught up with jason two nights ago, and i realized after that how much i miss my PAE friends. shitloads and shitloads. my 7+1 gang and how we used to sit at the 'cool corner' haha and watch people walk out of school to smoke, and pick out the (very few) hot/cute guys, and watch the guys train, and play lots of daidee and bridge, and bat our eyes just so we can make someone else buy food/drinks for us. i miss my bitches alot. i miss ain's whining and siti's singing and juls' + preeti's gossip and gisella's swooning and nick's blackness. and sometimes i really wish i didn't go to AC, because i wonder what would have been different if i stayed. but yes i still love my classmates! it's just..i wonder a lot.

hormones hormones go away,
you drain me strain me through the day.

i want to be the happy lucky rosy cheeked girl i was ten years ago.

************************
i love it when you call, i love it when you call, i love it when you call but you never call at all. i wish i could get over it and stop clinging but my heart still smiles whenever i see your number on caller ID.
************************

2008-02-17T23:31:00.002+08:00

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,

and a light unto my path.

When I am afraid, think I've lost my way,

still You're there right beside me.

Nothing will I fear, as long as You are near,

please be with me to the end.

I feel like i need a pillar to support me now. I'm emotionally weak for some unknown reason. The feeling's just..there. I have no idea what triggered it. Nor what can make it go away, if ever. I just want you more with each passing day. But I know I can't have you, not yet anyway. All I have is Him now, to depend on. So please be with me to the end.

2008-02-13T22:52:00.007+08:00

JOSHUA - [29 March] - Don't close your eyes. says:

heyyy. who's your date for tmr

! ★ this sour preservation , ` says:

no date!

JOSHUA - [29 March] - Don't close your eyes. says:

LOL. stop fooling with me clara lam

Another valentines' day alone; But this time it feels different.

Be mine?

2008-02-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

everyday's a busy day,
and friday's a busier day,
and every week it's just gonna get worse.

see my long face?

2008-02-04T20:25:00.000+08:00

so tired i could drop dead and shrivel.
i've been like that the past week, i don't know why. tired drained lethargic yet cannot sleep. today was a long 430-day that ended off with swim PE. swim PE is fun but takes up 101% of clara's energy. cheryl is my swim partner and my bugis-battle partner (:
anyway last friday joyce came to my house and we baked chocolate eclairs for sixuan's 18th party @ night. there's her fat hand pointing to her fat eclair. anyway friday night was alot of fun and alot of new friends.

saturday after visiting all my old tuition teachers, i met CB and we went fake tanning. We thought we got cheated of our money but in the end when we got home and stripped we realized we were burnt hahaha. after tanning we totally went shopping instead of our initial plan of studying. & i dragged her walking in the drizzling weather and splashing in puddles all the way to NAFA to visit Pak. and we were very annoyed that we just went there, said hi, got heavy NAFA gift bags, and went off. >:(
CB ate ten tons of potatos for dinner. met Pak after he finished work, and homeeee we went.

it's actually very interesting and very fun and alot of funny moments happened. just that i'm too darn tired to type with exclamation marks. gahhh CNY break means studying for tests ): i want-need to buy new clothes for the reunions.

organic chem should burn in hell.

2008-01-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

i can't get to sleep.

2008-01-27T20:15:00.000+08:00

updates: saturdays are now dedicated to my lovelies, studying studying studying. and i love them because i feel so productive and at the same time i get to spend time with them (:
so yesterday we studied at KAP, and around 5 cheryl, gina and i took the bus to bugis. and the ride was 5 million hours, i thought my butt was gonna rot. anyway! cheryl and i did some shopping, and i bought three dresses/tops for just 60bucks. lookie at my bootie (yes i am aware i look a billion kilos, so shut up) :

and the week before, we went to starbucks to study, and then shuffled around cafes because we kept getting chased out. anyway, check out our kawaii matching files. they are the new sex revived:

2008-01-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

today was our first day of fundraising. it was extremely eggciting and we had so much fun taking photos of others and ourselves! polaroids are crazily expensive, it hurts just to take one shot! but aiya we were willing, since we love each other so much heh heh.

okay, here are my lovelies!

2008-01-18T23:10:00.000+08:00

okay here's the deal, my sis (deb) and her friend mae started an online business. The items range from clothes to jewellry to bags and other accessories, and they are gorgeous and INEXPENSIVE. Stuff in Singapore is getting ridiculously expensive (especially cab fares) so dig in, i guarantee you'll find at least ONE thing you adore!

http://jackandqueen.livejournal.com

VISIT.

the first batch of items sold out O.O quickly, so go check often for new items!

***************************************

The cute notebooks, pink folders, cartoon files and other incentives for me to study have finally worked, and i'm swinging into the mood of work. We got a peptalk this week -- term exams are in 4 weeks and As are in what, 7 months? Books are my new bestfriend till liberation.
Today i went to town with cheryl and we watched a movie and shopped a bit before going home.
School has been...not so fun, more of productive.I'm meeting the lovelies for a study date tomorrow, and i have my fingers crossed that it's going to be a worth it date.We always drift from our objective of studying and end up whining and finally shopping.

Cheryl Han is abandoning me in the evening tomorrow,to have a final feast before her long-time maid goes back home.

I need a date for dinner.

Eyuck, i have to wake up majorly early tomorrow to get to the post office and mail the items for deb&mae and then rush to YCK station to meet Cheryl@9:45. Thrilling.

Okay off to bed once my nails dry.

2008-01-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

People just always aren't there when you need to rant, are they? At least i have this blog. Who won't turn me away when i say "i'm upset." -- well it's a freakin' internet page, it can't shun me, damn it.
It's got nothing to do with anyone, i'm just grumpy, angsty, and in need of a volcanic bitchfit to release. i hate food.
I'm a lazy fat ass momma who doesn't take her life seriously and likes to shove books up peoples' asses instead of plonking herself down in a cushioned chair for twenty full seconds to absorb the content. Who wants to be my friend? If this lard lady sat on you, you'd be lying on the table of a coroner and have a 'Died of Asphyxiation' tag on your big purple toe. Hah, run as fast as you can. Life is anything but good, M1 can go screw the smart ass punk who came up with the jingle advertisement with that skinny metal stickman wearing shades two sizes too big for his no-skinned face. Easy, girl. Breathe in breath out exercises work sometimes, but i'm past that. I need chocolate. Oh wait, chocolate has like 912987982 calories and 5 million grams of sugar, and the world is officially against me. Supermassiveblackhole, where are you.
I need something to look forward to, i need reason to smile! Something big and exciting, something adrenaline packed and fist-clenching vavavoom style. But all i've got is a long day at school in the short run, and A levels in the long run. Hurrah the life of a soon-to-be legal 18 year old Singaporean. Somebody turn the cranky-nista down a notch!
I think i've been overdoing the paracetamol and senokot, and i wish alcohol came free. What are the chances I can empty the fridge without my heineken-lovin' daddy noticing? One, three, zero. Sober is a crime.

I feel so strangling-someone-ish that I want to scribble pretty lines of liquid liner all over a size 0 model's eyes and make her look like a parakeet gone fashionista. Now that's drama! Somebody needs to buy me a fuchsia race car and a long curvy road called 'Angst Lane' that of course has no traffic since the road is MINE so i can thrill myself with slamming my foot on the accelerator and watching the needle hit 200 and have the wind coming so hard it pricks and i have difficulty breathing. Singapore is a red stain on the atlas, damn. Grow, island, grow!
Turn back twelve years and let me be six again, with the Lam sisters lying in joint supersingle beds listening to papa read 'Danny', and I fall asleep out of boredom. I miss childish problems like 'I didn't study for spelling' and 'I think mommy knows I squirted moisturizer inside all her shoes'.

I'm waiting for him to call before I head off to bed, hopefully my head will stop steaming and spinning and I can finally decide if I'm skipping (my very long day of) school tomorrow. Please be yes.

P/S, i am fat, and if anyone tries to say otherwise for my own good, my vicious unfriendly overprotective mongrel packed in a cramped box with a ribbon on the top will be your next birthday present. i am fat.

2008-01-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I imagine the world without you,
But most times I’m just so happy that I ever found you.
It's a complicated web that you weave inside my head,
So much pleasure with such pain.

You go and then i can finally breathe in,
Because baby I know in the end you’re never leaving.
Well we’re rarely ever sane,
I drive you crazy and you do the same.
But your fire fills my soul and it warms me up like no one knows,
Because I'm feeling the way you cross my mind.

And you save me in the nick of time,
I'm riding the highs,
I'm digging the lows because at least I feel alive.
I've never faced so many emotional days, but my life is good.
I'm feeling you.

happy birthday j-linx, we're glad you had (a) good surprise(s) today! you're our first birthday girl for the year, don't worry we'll catch up soon! then we can all be legal together. meanwhile you enjoy your cigarettes and condoms first huh. :D

the week so far has been good, but then it's only tuesday. i'm smiling a lot and i feel good about it!

personal note, things to complete ASAP :

30 Newspaper article reviews
The Right Word
Finish reading Herland
Finish reading Duchess Act 1
Chem Q3

i hope they disappear real fast. thankfully they should all be done by this weekend. i've been pretty disciplined, and replaced the routine of reach home-bathe-online/sleep with homework/reading lit. or both! CJ has the nicest open house songs, i've been listening to them on repeat on sixuan's poddy.

MAROON5, 25TH MARCH, $150, HERE WE COME.

damn excited.

who wants to go for Paramore's concert, please ring me!

2008-01-02T19:17:00.000+08:00

on 27th dec i spent the night with 3 out of 9 beautiful babes at Timbre @ The Substation. We had dinner, exchanged presents, and took plentiful pictures. these girls make life so good, i smile no matter how crappy the day can get.
i had the best martini ever, but sucky food (who cares about food anyway they are calories :D), and a green dress that makes my legs look phugaliciously phat.
now, my m8s:

merry christmas, happy new year, and welcome monday blues.

today was the best 1st-day-of-school ever. lots of screaming hugging smiling finger pointing.

sixuan's poddy has good muzik.

2007-12-29T22:38:00.000+08:00

I guess I’ll always be a girl who follows her emotions and moods so much it’s bad for health. My life is never going to stop revolving around my feelings, even if I try very hard not to. Sometimes when I look back at my earlier blog and diary entries where I write about how miserable and cheated I feel, I just think, ‘gee, what a sod.’
I always feel like at that certain point in life, I’m at my worst: in the deepest whirlpool, in the lowest valley, in the darkest alley. It feels like nothing can get any worse, and there’s nobody reaching out a hand to pull me out of the sinking sand, I just keep struggling and falling deeper in. I get suicidal thoughts, I dream about the numerous and unimaginable ways I can take my own life, which is the least painful, which is the quickest, the easiest to trick myself into doing it before I regret. (yes, I always chicken out in the end.) But I realise a trend – eventually, I just pick myself up again, with the help of time. A lot of it.
It’s pretty obvious, recently I’ve been upset, desolate, despondent, poignant, troubled, wretched – just about every depressing adjective you can find in the dictionary. And I think it’s evident enough, yes, boy trouble.
Even though my writing suggests pretty obviously, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve never written the words outright before. Why? Because I never wanted to face it. I knew the problem existed, and I emo-ed about it for over six months, but my deceitful little self just refused to let me ram my face against cold hard glass and open my eyes wide enough to realise that I need to solve it. That’s the problem with me. I’ve always been too soft on the outside and weak on the inside, so much so that I can’t even force myself go against..well, myself. Or my emotions, more like it. It’s not as hard as it sounds, if you put your mind into it, but that’s precisely what I couldn’t do. Or at least, what I kept avoiding. The reason why I’m finally putting it out in plain, simple text for all my friends to see, is because I need all your support. I need to slap myself awake and recognize that life can never be fine and dandy, it can never be fun and carefree, that these things will always come with a price, which is usually depression, hand in hand with loneliness and pain. I am officially announcing that I’m taking control of myself, and I’m going to be content with my lot. I’m going to loosen the leash in my hand, and give us both space. He needs time to overcome his own emotional barriers, and I’m going to smile while we take this break. I know I’ll feel relieved right after I hit ‘Post Entry’, because other eyes would have bore witness to my words, and hopefully help me keep to it.
Even up till yesterday, I couldn’t let him go without flinching. But tonight, I’m finally allowing myself to. Pak, remember what we agreed on tonight okay? When we were waiting for your dad, next to the car. The waiting till you’re ready and physical contact thing.
I won’t be sad about not having him next to me anymore, but of course, I won’t forget I love him. I’ll be a happy girl while waiting for him. That’s what I’ve always been trying to do for the past few weeks. Maybe even months, I really don’t know. For now I’ll just enjoy being single once again, and we’ll keep being best friends. Pak, you’re my bestest of best friends. You know me better than any of my girlfriends do, no matter how many years they’ve been by my side. I haven’t and never will forget what we had, and I know that for now, I need to give you time and assurance. We talked about it, and I’ll still be here waiting for you, alright? Don’t be afraid to take your time. I won’t let myself hurt, pinky promise!

This is supposed to mark an end to my emo pictures, lyrics, quotes, whatever else I’ve posted that relates to my unhappiness. This big girl’s finally matured (:

And with open arms and mind, I welcome the new year!

2007-12-27T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hong Kong trip 2007! Shots in random order, once again I'm lazy to reorganize. Basically they're from Macau (the more scenic shots), Venetian Hotel (the hotel room shots), a couple of food shots (observable), and camwhoring shots (all the rest).

enjoy!

2007-12-24T10:12:00.000+08:00

you are my baby boy, my baby boy.

i cant ever forget you, not just like that. but at least you're still here. still my friend. my best friend.

273 days once upon a forever.
8 months and 23 days.

why can't i run away from you?

i never wanted to hate christmas.

2007-12-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

most songs carry no meaning, they're just attempts at rhyme.
yet why do i still find some that summon flashes of feelings?
i hear them over and over and over, over and over. because i dont know how else to put my own feelings out in words.
just..over, and over.

Looking at your picture
from when we first met,
You gave me a smile that I could never forget.
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night.
Wrapped around your finger,
Always in my mind..
The days they blend because we stayed up all night.
You and I were everything,
everything to me.

I just want you to know,
that I’ve been fighting to let you go.
Some days I make it through,
and then there’s nights that never end.
I wish that I could believe
that there’s a day you’ll come back to me.
But still I have to say
I would do it all again.

It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me.
We must free up these tired souls,
Before the sadness kills us both.
I tried and tried to let you know:
I love you but I'm letting go.
It may not last but I don't know,
Just don't know.
I built a wall around my heart,
I’ll never let it fall apart..
But strangely I wish secretly,
It would fall down while I'm asleep.

Everyday,
With every worthless word we get more far away.
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay.
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe,
It hurts.. but it may be the only way.

The path that I'm walking,
I must go alone.
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown.
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
I hope you know, I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you.
It's personal, myself and I..
We've got some straightening out to do,
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket.
It's time to be a big girl now.
And big girls don't cry.

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I'm awake in the infinite cold,
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

The rain is falling on my window pane,
But we are hiding in a safer place.
Under covers staying dry and warm,
You give me feelings that I adore.
& wherever it goes I'll always know,
That you make me smile.
Please stay for a while now,
Just take your time..
Wherever you go.

Nobody wants to be lonely,
Nobody wants to cry.
My body's longing to hold you,
So bad it hurts inside.

i must be a big girl.

and to you..this is for you.
True to your heart.
You must be true to your heart
Open your eyes, your heart can tell you no lies.
And when you're true to your heart..

things will gradually unfold.

see you when i get back?

***

2007-12-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

i think i'm very funny but chanki doesnt seem to agree.

sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
these kids are unbelievable
! ★ after tonight says:
kawaii!
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
ok no
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
first diao and now kawaii. going downhill.
! ★ after tonight says:
you child hater
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
haha i dont hate them
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
they hate me
! ★ after tonight says:
racist-ly
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
which makes me want to hate them
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
ha yeah. i mean indian kids usually like me
! ★ after tonight says:
nevermind, here's some black love
! ★ after tonight says:
-BLACK LOVE -
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
YAY FOR BLACK LOVE
! ★ after tonight says:
HOKAY I AM OFF TO BED.
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
will see you soon yes?
! ★ after tonight says:
christmas party. keep 27th FREEEEEEE !
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
will try
! ★ after tonight says:
pfft
! ★ after tonight says:
if you dont, you die
! ★ after tonight says:
got it?
! ★ after tonight says:
DIE.
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
what happened to black love?
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
no more?
! ★ after tonight says:
not if you dont show for a white christmas
! ★ after tonight says:
HAHAHAHAH
! ★ after tonight says:
I AM VERY FUNNY !
! ★ after tonight says:
OMG?
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
unbelievable
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
goodbye clara lam
sangee; headed for a shipwreck says:
goodbye

2007-12-09T15:14:00.000+08:00

life's too fast, let's all take a break.

youth camp starts tomorrow, then hongkong.

see you when i get back.

[edit]

despite all my misgivings about The Golden Compass, hypocritical me watched it yesterday. well, talk is cheap, i would know from experience.

well, these are my 3 pictures to tell my feelings.

[/edit]